This is exactly the situation discernment counseling is designed for. Each partner receives support to carefully consider the three paths forward or to be as effective as possible in efforts to repair the relationship. Both perspectives are respected and included in the process.

That’s common. One partner is often more hesitant, or even resistant to coming. Discernment counseling works best when both partners attend, but hesitation is often part of the situation we are addressing.

There is no obligation to continue after each meeting and no pressure to arrive at a specific outcome. You don’t need prior couples therapy experience. A willingness to attend and take part in the conversation is enough to begin. If you’re unsure, you’re welcome to reach out to talk through options and whether it makes sense to start.

Discernment counseling is designed for couples where there remains at least some openness, even a small amount, to reconciliation. If you’ve already made your decision, it’s important to be honest about that. In that case, we can meet in a different format focused on understanding, closure, and working together to move forward with respect.

This is a very common situation. It’s natural to worry about doing anything that might make divorce more likely. Discernment counseling is designed to support both partners where they are, while helping the hopeful partner be as effective as possible in efforts toward reconciliation.

In these situations, it’s common to respond with pressure, become overly romantic or clingy, or even use guilt. While understandable, these approaches often push the other partner further away. Getting support in how to respond differently can give your marriage a better chance. For more information, click here to learn more about Hopeful Spouse.

No. While I believe sustaining a marriage can be a good thing for many struggling couples, that doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for you. The goal is not to push you toward staying or separating, but to help you understand your situation more clearly, including each partner’s contributions and the possible paths forward before making a final decision.

Couples therapy focuses on improving the relationship, and both partners are expected to be 100% focused on that goal. Discernment counseling is designed to help you decide whether to work on the relationship together or move toward separation. When partners are pulling in different directions, the work can start to go in circles.

Many couples come to discernment counseling after previous attempts at therapy. This process is different in that the goal is clarity and decision-making, rather than immediately working on the relationship. It also helps you understand why past efforts may not have been successful before deciding whether to try again.

Yes. While discernment is ultimately an individual process, it works best when both partners are actively involved. Each session includes time together, along with individual conversations, so both perspectives can be fully understood.

It is a short-term process, typically lasting up to five sessions. Each meeting is focused on helping you move toward greater clarity and confidence in your decision-making. When multiple sessions are needed, they are usually scheduled every one to two weeks. The timing and frequency can be adjusted as needed.

Discernment counseling is a private-pay service and is not covered by insurance. Fees are based on session time and are paid at the time of service. I’m happy to discuss current rates and answer any questions so you can better understand the potential financial investment.

Many couples begin in a place of high tension or limited communication. The structure of discernment counseling is designed to slow things down and make conversations more manageable and productive. If the level of conflict feels unsafe or makes it difficult to be honest, please contact me so we can discuss appropriate next steps.

Discernment counseling can still be helpful. In many cases, an early step after a serious betrayal is to consider whether working to repair the relationship is the right path. The focus is not on resolving everything immediately, but on understanding what has happened and whether both partners are willing to consider repair.

You decide on a next step. This may include working on the relationship, moving toward separation, or taking additional time before deciding.

When both partners choose reconciliation, we create a clear and thoughtful plan for repair. This is typically a six-month effort focused on understanding what needs to change and each partner’s role in that process. It often includes regular couples therapy, outside reading or study, individual therapy, and other supports. To see a sample reconciliation agreement, click here.

This is a difficult place for couples, often marked by fear and uncertainty on both sides, and the stakes can be high. We can schedule additional meetings to talk through next steps together. You can move forward with a clearer understanding of the relationship, often with more cooperation. Referrals to mediation or collaborative divorce professionals are available if needed.

The goal is to help you reach greater clarity, not to force a decision. Most couples do arrive at a next step, but you are not required to decide before you are ready.

Discernment counseling is not the right fit in every situation. It is designed for couples where at least one partner is uncertain about the future of the relationship. If both partners are fully committed to repairing the relationship, couples therapy is usually a better next step.

It may also not be appropriate if there are concerns about safety, ongoing abuse, or if one partner is unwilling to participate in a respectful and structured process.